Death Gods, Sexy Beasts, and Candy
by Shinju Hikari
Summary: Where all lonely ideas go to die. Drabble series, rated T
1. Hide your obsession

**Hide Your Obsession**

Matt & Mello

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, as much as I wish I did. I also do not own any of the things mentioned in here.

(Oh,and I hate Twilight.)

_ About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a pert of him- and I didn't know how dominant that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. _Bella spoke with the most passion imaginable was she blinked like an idiot. Soon enough, Edward had bitten her and she unfortunately lived for another three books. "Matt? Where are you?" Matt quickly stopped the DVD and whipped out his Nintendo DS. "H-Hey there, Mels." Mello glanced at the blue screen. "You watching porn?" "Nah. Nothing like that." Mello sat next to him and traced his slim fingers up and down his arm. "Really?" "Y-Yeah, really." Mello leaned over into Matt's face. He smelled like chocolate and leather. "Mello,"Matt squeaked. "You are _such _a Twi-hard." Mello got back up and left Matt with a big problem. But that's okay because Matt still has Edward.

A/N: :O NO! IT DOESN"T WORK THAT WAY! Lol, I wrote this while listening to a song about a sexy vampire. This will be a series of drabbles with all Death Note characters, so stay tuned for updates. Please R&R! ^^


	2. Hungry For Apples!

**Hungry For Apples!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. I still wish I did though...**

"Liiiiiiiiight. I need an apple!" "Here." Light threw a sphere shaped object towards the shinigami. "Yummy!" Ryuk bit in the fruit, juices spraying everywhere. "AGH! What is this?" "We ran out of apples. It's a pear." "It's _disgusting_. I refuse to eat it!" "Fine." Light kept writing in his Death Note while Ryuk wiped his tongue. "You're an awful human." "Yeah, but I keep things interesting and that's all that matters." Ryuk was silent, for Light had a great point. "Just go buy some apples." Light laughed. "What's so funny?" "I just killed people!" "...Yes, you do that everyday." "But these were **important **people." "Okay. Apples?" "Ryuk, here." Light handed him a folded piece of green paper. "Money?" "Go buy yourself apples." "Do you really expect me to walk through a store and buy apples?" "If you want them, yes." Ryuk slouched and got on the bed. "You're evil..."

A/N: This will be a two or three part series in Death Gods, Sexy Beasts, and Candy. Are pears spheres? I dunno. Please R&R! ^^


	3. Oh, dear Mello!

**Why, dear Mello!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or Night World.**

**Spoilers for people who haven't read Night World- Secret Vampire**

_James gave Poppy a searching look. "Do you think you can make it back to my apartment?" "Hmm? I guess." Poppy didn't actually know what he was talking about. Make it how? And why should going to his apartment help her breath? "I've got a couple of safe donors there in the building," James said. "I don't really want you out on the streets, and I think you'll make it there okay." Poppy didn't ask what he meant. She was having trouble thinking clearly. _James and Poppy sat to exchange more words. The story went on, with Mello biting his nails from the suspense. The doorknob started jiggling and Mello looked up, scared someone would catch him. He chucked his prized book into a secret corner and searched for a chocolate bar and the remote. He found both just as the door opened. He was panting because he had to run around the room to make sure no other books were around. Matt smirked, remembering the exact thing happening to him weeks ago. "You watching porn?" Mello's eyes widened. "N-Nah, nothing like that." He stuttered. Always a bad sign. Matt sat next to him and did what Mello had done to him, tracing his fingers up and down his bare arm. Mello was colored a deep shade of red. "Really?" "Y-Yeah, really." Matt leaned into Mello's face. He smelt like cigarettes and shampoo. "Matt," Mello squeaked. "You are _so _obsessed with Night World." And with that Matt left Mello with a big problem. One similar to the one Matt also had. But that was okay because Mello had James and Matt had Edward.

A/N: This is connected to the first chapter. Has any ever read Night World? I LOVE that series! What's with them being with guy vampires? Whatever... Please R&R!


	4. Do you have to be such a slut?

**Do you have to be such a slut?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.**

**I'm not hating on Mello, he's too cool for that! I just heard this song: .com/watch?v=D6s7WCq-_Ak&feature=relmfu and didn't wanna use Misa. **

"Matt! Turn that damn thing off!" The stereo continued blaring the most disgusting song. It paused for a second as it switched to the next song. _"Ho, my God. She is such a slut. What a slut. What a slut." _"Goddammit, Matt!" Mello banged on the door. "_S-L-U-T, slut. S-L-U-T, slut." _Mello was done. He broke open the door, ripping it quite literally off it's hinges. "Oh, hey, Mels." "Don't 'Hey, Mels' me." Matt turned down the stereo and very faintly it still played. _"I guess she doesn't give a damn, 'cause she's a slut." _"Why do you like this stupid music?" "It's catchy. It...reminds me of you." Mello stopped in mid-thought. _"You need to break that bitch's hand, 'cause she's a slut." _That's exactly what Mello would do. He backhanded Matt's cheek and cracked his hand. "You're a slut, Matt." Matt stared at him, tears quickly forming in his eyes. "Really? Just look at you." Mello glanced at his usual attire. He supposed he didn't dress like regular guys. "whatever." Mello pecked his lips to Matt's cheek, where he had slapped him. _"Her hair looks like shit." _Mello's eyes widened. "My HAIR looks like SHIT?" "M-Mello, it's just a song." The next song was playing loudly. _"You're a bitch, you're a bitch. I'm sick of your shit. You're a dick, you're a dick. Think your words are so slick. We can't get it right, always gotta be a fight. Your heart is my pinata, so sayonara." _Mello sat on Matt's thigh. "Sorry...I didn't really wanna break your hand." "S'okay." Matt rested against the headboard. Words ran through Matt's head. 'He really is a slut...' But he would never say that out loud.

A/N: This is the MOST cursing I've ever had in a story. But it was from songs, so it's different. Can anyone guess the second song playing? Poor Matty. I'll be nice to him in the next story he's in. Please R&R! ^^


	5. But I R God!

**A/N: Happy April Fool's Day! This is my special story especially for this day. Thank you to ThJo who gave me the idea for this! ^.^**

Light walked in to the Task Force HQ early in the morning. No one seemed to be there except Misa who sat lazily upside down in a spinning chair. "Light!" She stood up and glomped Light. "How was your night?" "Fine, Misa." Light sat in front of his computer to type whatever he typed. His phone rung a minute later and he checked the caller ID, surprised at who it was. "Mikami?" "God!" Light could hear the eagerness in his voice. "What is it? I'm working." "I need to meet you, God." "I can't, Mikami. You know that." "Why?" "You know why, too." Mikami sighed, his feelings crushed. Light glanced down at Misa hanging on his arm. "Actually...I will come. Be there in an hour." "Really?" "Would I ever lie to you?" "Okay. Thank you, God!" They hung up and Light told his somewhat humorous plan to Misa.

She understood, for once. Misa had to be her usual self, just as Light told her. She showed up on Mikami's doorstep, politely knocking the hard wood door. "Who is it?" "I think you know who." "...God?" "Of course, Mikami." Three bolts were unlocked and the door swung open very slowly. "I-Is it really you?" Misa smiled widely, showing her perfect teeth. Mikami almost fainted.

It was a girl. His God. _The_ God. It was a girl. No, this can't be. All he had ever hoped for. All he had ever dreamed of...ruined. By this little peppy girl. And her clothes! They were just out of place. A frilly black dress and boots to her knees. Who wears that anymore? But...this was God. So he had no choice but to let her in. Stepping back, he allowed her into his home.

Misa happily strode into the dark room. "So, what did you want to meet me about?" "Nothing much. Just stuff." Mikami was gritting his teeth and trying not to hit the wall. "Would you like to see...this?" Misa turned around, her eyes glowing red. The shinigami eyes. If she had them, then she had to be God. Mikami walked closer to her, eyes wide. "Teru Mikami. You will die on February 7th, 2010. Good luck till then." With that, Misa started to walk away. "G-God! Wait, you just got here!" "True, but you're boring." Misa applied a layer of lipstick to her mouth as she spoke. "Well, at least give me a parting gift. I don't know if I will ever be able to see you again. Misa sighed and stood on her tip toes. She smacked her lips to Mikami's cheek and walked away. "God!" "Oh, what is it now? I have to get home for Light!" Mikami wasn't paying attention, busy getting out ropes and a chair. "Take a seat, God." Misa did as she was told and Mikami quickly tied her down. "Wha? Mikami! Let me go!" Mikami smiled at her. "Oh no. Now that I have you, you can never leave." Misa pouted at him. "Then let me tell you about myself..."

Hours later, Misa finally concluded her story, it being mainly about this Light guy. "Stop! Just...stop. You're not God, are you?" Misa smiled sweetly. Mikami grabbed her throat just as the previously mentioned Light burst in. "April Fools!" Mikami looked up, completely guilty of what he had done. He had strangled Misa. And Misa was with the real God. "Dammit, Mikami. She was important!" "But...she was annoying!" "I don't even know you." Mikami's jaw dropped and he sputtered out incoherent words. "G-God!" "Nope." Light dragged Misa out, leaving Mikami alone. Well, except for his pens...

**A/N: Does everyone get that pens joke? It's a reference to the end of the book...Yeah, I probably shouldn't write this early in the morning. Please R&R!**


	6. It's Not Rape If You Like It

**A/N: Hello again, my sweet darlings. Okay, this story is totally OOC and for that, I apologize. But, this is something that actually happened (different people of course) in my math class today. Even though it's horrible and terribly short, I still appreciate you guys reading ^.^**

Mello walked into the classroom, overconfident as always. He spotted three people huddled at a table. Matt, Near, and Linda. They seemed to be talking about something very intently. Mello strut over and heard Linda say, "So, you would, like, totally fuck Near, right? And marry Mello? Then date me?" "Can't all three be Mels?" "No. It's fuck, marry, and date for only one each." "I would probably switch you and Near, but yeah, I'd marry Mello." "Yay! So, Near, it's your turn..." Linda turned to the boy, not noticing Mello right beside her. "Hey, Matty. I heard what you said. Now, you have to rate this sexy boy!" Mello posed, pointing to the ceiling. "What?" "One to ten, ten being the highest." "Alright, ten." "TEN?" "Fine, fine. Eleven." "That's better." Mello walked over to Matt's side. He brushed his fingers through his red locks and kissed the top of his head, finally walking to the pencil sharpener. Suddenly, Near had him pinned against the wall. "I love you, Mello. C'mere, Matt. We can t-bag him." "What the fuck?" Mello pushed Near away, but Near grabbed his arm and pushed him to the floor. Matt came forward and Mello pulled him down, close to his face. "Help me. This kid has gone insane." Matt got pulled to the floor along with Mello. Near sat on top of both of them until Roger showed up and called the class to attention. Mello sat by Matt and when Roger turned around, he got down on his knees. "W-What are you doing?" "Matt...Will you marry me? Serious question, right here." "Umm, no." "Oh, dammit all..."


	7. I'm Worth It!

"...Worth it. No, no, no, that's all wrong." Mello glanced back at his reflection in the mirror and smirked. "Because you're _worth _it." He flipped his bangs out of his eyes at the last word. "Damn. Last try..."

Resting his arm on the counter of the bathroom, he grinned at himself once more and proclaimed, "Because YOU'RE worth it." Frowning and sighing loudly, he rested against the wall. "I'll never get to be in that L'Oréal commercial if I don't do this right!" Lifting his head back up, he stared straight at himself, grinning at his perfect hair. "_Because I'm worth it_," he whispered. "Mello?" Standing back up quickly, he turned to see Matt staring at him. "Did you just say you're _worth_ it?" "Uh...Maybe? What's it to you?" "Just curious. Anyway, I'm gonna go buy some cigarettes. Be back in a bit." "Okay." The second the front door slammed shut, Mello ran to the closet and grabbed one of the video cameras Matt shoved in there. "Time to film this," he said with a smile.

Setting the camera up carefully, he sat on the counter and stared at the blinking red light. '_Okay, I can do this. No big deal, just a simple commercial. With millions of other __**girls**__ auditioning.' _Taking a deep breath, he flipped his hair back and confidently said the words everyone waited for. "Because you're worth it." Hitting the button to stop recording, he hopped down from the counter and ran into Matt standing in the doorway.

"M-Matt...Uh...I can...explain?" "Save it. Just answer me one thing. Are you auditioning for a hair commercial?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because I want to, okay? I want to feel beautiful like all these girls!" He picked up a Teen People magazine and shoved it in Matt's face. "Just _look_ at Selena Gomez, Matt! She's absolutely gorgeous!" "Mello! Why the fuck are you comparing yourself to WOMEN?" "B-Because...they're pretty." "And?" "And I'm NOT!" "Who said that?" "...Near." "Who cares what Near has to say? He's a closet case that plays with toys!" "Matt?" "What?" "Have I ever told you how much I love you?" "Not recently." "I love you." Matt smiled and pressed his lips to Mello's forehead. "Now. How about we send in that tape?"

It was agonizing, waiting the seven business days for the company to reply. Day and night, Mello would run outside to the mailbox, expecting anything in there. Nine days later, when Mello was just about to give up, Matt walked in waving a letter. "Mello! It's a letter from L'Oréal!" "What?" Mello sat up from the couch, his chocolate forgotten as he rushed over to Matt's side. "Well, open it, dammit!" "Okay, okay." Matt ripped the paper out of the envelope while Mello bounced on his heels. "'Dear Mr. Keehl: We regret to inform you that you did not win the competition for best commercial. Thank you for entering. Sincerely, The L'Oréal Company.'" "...I didn't win." "Mels, maybe next time." "Matt, this was my _only_ chance! It was only now! Do you KNOW what this means?" "Uh...You don't get to be in a commercial?" "NO! It means I'm. NOT. Worth. It." "Are you serious?" "Of course I'm serious! Now excuse me, I was eating chocolate!" "Now what?" "I'm thinking that I'll take up knitting." "Knitting?" "Yes, would you like a sweater?" "No thanks. So, that's just it? You're giving up because you got rejected once?" "Yes sir." "Are you stupid?" "Maybe." "Oh my God..." Matt stomped out of the house and down to the post office to mail a letter to the L'Oréal company.

Not even a week later, he got a reply which he quickly showed to Mello, who was busy knitting a scarf for no one in particular. "'Dear Mr. Jeevas: We have taken your offer into account and agree that it's best Mr. Keehl get the part. We'll be in touch shortly. Thank you for writing and have a nice day.'" Mello set the paper down and stared at Matt. "What did you do?" "A little threatening, some blackmail, more threatening. The usual." "You're such an ass. I love it." "I know, baby. I know." Mello smiled and kissed Matt; he would certainly have to thank him properly. That night, none of their neighbors got sleep due to the screams of pleasure _reverberating _from their house.

A/N:It's been awhile. Sorry...And I dare to come crawling back with a drabble =.=''

**So, please R&R! ^.^ (And let me know if you want me to continue with the actual commercial part.)**


End file.
